U 'll Nv Know... Unless...

How true can this be?!?!

2011-10-01T00:59:00.001+08:00

Lesser the expectation you have to yourself or someone else, the happier you will be in life.
Expectation it's like a bomb, that could explode at any moment.

Fear is something that was build slowly and unknowingly and once it is realized, it would took years to ease or perhaps forever it would be there.

A person biggest mistake is to tell someone I did all this because of you.
More than half of the time, you would definitely pissed that someone off.

At least

2011-10-01T00:51:00.001+08:00

I obviously didn't know myself well than he does and perhaps till the day I die, it is still going to be the same but AT LEAST thus far I am glad that I can be sure of one thing. That one and only doubtless thingy.

Disappointment

2011-09-13T00:33:00.001+08:00

This week started out bad. Since Friday night till now it was just so horrible that I had to get it typewritten down at blog. Sometimes I wonder if I was given the choice to choose if I could stay or leave? There is no easy answer.

When I was so occupied and stress by work stuff. Something happened very silently. I wish I had chosen to return home that day. He was very drunk, cry out something that confuse the hell out of me, my doubts were cleared only yesterday. What a news that shock me for a few second.
I thought to myself, what have I done?
I knew it was my fault though he insist it was not my fault and that he had feel for her was because he found that they could clicked.
I am utterly disappointed. Not in him but myself. There are no words that offer comfort to this matters but to not write anything at all I just feels so wrong. Hearts become attached as easily as they become broken and our minds are left sifting through the pieces, which I fear take a lifetime to put back together to achieve any form of acceptance, forgiveness and forget.
I knew I can't stop thinking about it.

This few things keep going through my mind,
"He knew she had fall for him, insist of putting a stop to it, he knowledge back with a similar feel. Why?" He mention he respond back that he had feel for her but he can't allow the relationship to happen because he have me as his gf already. "Though nothing happen between them at all but I had a feel that it is just not right." "Why did he deny he like her?" "What he means by?-Towards her he had another kind of feeling that was different from the kind of feeling he had on me and that feeling made him choose me."

It hurtful hearing that!!

I thought he should have made another decision as I bet he still like her and it could have in turn become a better love compare to what we are having now.
I could forgive him but it is heart aching to forget and put everything back. I can never forget that he said only if he was single, he would then accepted her to try but because he have me he can't allow that to happen.
I thought he should have come to me in the first place to explain but insist I am the last person to know this. Why was he afraid to let me know? Why am I the last to know this? Etc... All this explanation & thinking torment me every single second, minutes and hours and it might continues for the rest of my life.

I have to accept the fact that I had fault as I allow all this to happen. Life is so uncontrollable. If only I have control over it, but all I could do was to ride the wave it creates.

I don't know how am I going to face him in long term. Shouldn't we have break? Or I should have turned that switch off inside of me. To blend in and not to get notice how sad I was.

If this feeling goes on in me, our love will definitely not going to have any happy ending because I will put a stop to it.

2011-04-10T17:18:00.001+08:00

i would not say goodbye. but i allow death to do so

2011-04-10T17:12:00.002+08:00

I never meet expectation. I am the only one that cant vent anger. Whatever things tt happen would be i bring it upon myself. I am like a fool, i allows all kind of things to happen. I dun take advice. so what now...... what am i suppose to do, how i which i am a puppet................... Tie a string to me and make me move to wat u wan it to be.........

2011-04-07T04:42:00.001+08:00

Nv had such a bad experience before. I could only conclude tt it was "Out of curiosity, I cause myself into deep shit." Nth was clarify and I got a hit on my chin. After a shock and still having that numb feeling felt within my whole head, I tried so hard to explain to him I didn't steal anything. He still said, "dun try to bluff me, why did u open up my machine. U can call me one right .... I treat ur so good, why ur do this to me, steal things ... If anything are missing i gonna be in trouble, why must u get me into trouble ..." He was really unreasonable. Though he the one who thrown a calculator at me and had also hit onto the machine and spoil that lock, yet he still dare to say, "... confirm is ur hack open my machine, now spoil alrdy ..." what a good imagination he had. Hack open!!! Use wat?!?! I only have a few $1 coins, cards, a hse key, my phone and the pair of slippers I'm wearing. Tell me how to hack open a machine if it's lock with the things I have. Moreover if I hack it, it would have cause loud banging sound. I knew tt I had fault, I shdn't open without permission. Things happen because no coins was detected, I tried shaking the machine abit as I thot maybe it got stuck but i sense it was so loose and could be open so out of curiosity I open and look inside.. Upon seeing those coins around the wire area I thot it shd be the prob & if I sweep down the coins, maybe prob would be solved. So I tried pushing the coins to the coins box but it started beeping & & & because I am so stupid I did tt before informing him, he came out angrily and thrown a calculator at me. It hit onto my chin and suddenly my whole face become so damn numb and causes me in shock for a second. As a customer, i know I'm really in no position to say much because I am at fault as I open up the machine. I can truly understand even if he rose his voice and shout at me "why did u open, what were u doing, etc" or bring this up to the boss or police. But just not when he thrown a calculator at me without even clarifying and insist that i'm a thief and i'm trying to get him into trouble. Though I am at fault but I'm still feeling uncomfortable and piss to the max of being hit, maybe I would nv spend a single cent there anymore. A lesson learnt, Nv allow curiosity to cause one-selves into trouble.

TOO Much......

2011-03-05T18:51:00.002+08:00

Things just seem to be cocking up too much recently. It's really irritating and frustrating.
I just get so piss easily and nothing seems to be smooth, i hate this to the max.
Even now when i'm trying to vent my anger through blogging, my brain just doesn't corporate.
Pimples, tummy ache, school, relationship, money, WHAT ELSE?!?!
Perhaps there are more to come.
The thigns i want are they really this hard to get, sometimes i would wonder how long i have to wait. What else more can i do other than waiting for it?!?!
Patience Patience Patience........
Patience sound so meaningless, it's simply a meaningless word without action taken.
To some extent, words are lies, aren't they?!?!
We human use it handy to tell lie and lie and lie. Tons of lies.....
Just how true can words be?!?!?!
So true only when you believe in it. isn't it?!?!

I'm going to change this farking keyboard soon. It's really getting on my nerves.

Testing testing

2011-02-21T08:46:00.001+08:00

Hello. Testing out iPhone app to blog. Downloaded this app an hr ago and I'm kinda disappointed by this app.
I can't post pictures unless I upgrade and buy.=(

2009-01-20T09:51:00.000+08:00

I just realised i haven't been blogging for at least a week long.
Okay, firstly i started school and i'm a bit disappointed in my timetable.
I got class everyday, actually i should have 2 days break in my original timetable but after choosing elective courses i have no free days left. Sad!
So far the things i learn in school isn't really that difficult yet, however i do have some problems in using markers to blend the colour well.
Abit irritated by it.

Anyway, 12th jan everyone knows it was the released of GCE O'Level result.
I score well in my English but not Science, i did badly for science this time round compare to the first time.
Shouldn't have register for science in the first place but i'm happy for my English grade.
It's really a big surprise to me, i really appriciate all the teaching and coaching from my english tutor. =D

Got quite a few good blessing recently. I'm really thankful for it.
Hopefully i can do equally well in my studies at nafa.

2009-01-06T12:33:00.001+08:00

updating!~~~
What did you people do on friday, 2nd of jan 2009?
For ME, I went sentosa with sc, yz, zy, jh and her hubby.
I had lots of fun that day though i cant play in the sea water with them.
Took lots of pictures that day.
Most of the picture taken that day is still with jh cause we use their camera. ^^
We took some photo infront of the mirror in the public toilet but the mirror very dirty so quality of the pictures taken are not very good.
I truly enjoy myself cause it's been such a long time since i meet up with Jh and it's been 3years since i last go sentosa.

Actually wanna upload pics but very lag, try upload some but it doesn't seem to work.
Hmm, i think i'll wait for more pics from jh then upload all pics up here.
--------------------------------

I'll do a little reflection on 2008.
In the whole 2008 last year, i did felt a bit lost here and there sometimes but i managed to go through the whole year quite smoothly.
O'lvl ended in 2007, i gotten my result in 2008.
Choosing a course seem easy but it didn't go on very smoothly for me. However i manage to get into NAFA and continue my studies there.
Then because of my poor result in O'lvl english i need to take up an english course at NAFA.
I took the course in the beginning of june and it ended 2wks before 21th of july and of course i passed the course! hahas
School finally started on 21th of july and i got to learn a lot of new things throughout the whole sem 1. In School it's not just only studies, i also make a few good friends too.
Although, none are singaporean. It's probably because i seldom talk to them but nvm i still got 2 more yrs. JY le.
Quite often i'm late for class, a very bad habit that i pick up last yr. Got to do something to it. ^^
Result isn't as good as what i want it to be.
A peaceful 2008. Nothing really special that whole yr, except for the last 2wk of the whole 2008.
In 2008 i also enroll myself in Music lesson, so far i have finish it half way but i still don't sing quite well i think. =P Got to work a bit more harder!
Wushu lesson i stop very often, shifu said he though i "xia shan" le. hahas.
Anyway, Experience lots of unhappy things, stressful things etc.
But but but, NVM!

The best is in 2009! Jiayou

2009-01-02T05:22:00.006+08:00

Happy New Year 2009.

[Picture taken from internet.]
I celebrated 2009 countdown at home, through the television. But around 1am or so, Sc, Yz and Zy came to my house after they went countdown with Sc friends. We play Mahjong and Old Maid. Hahas. Mahjong i keep losing. Zzzz Beginning Zy keep winning then Yz. Quite surprise for Yz to keep winning cause he just learned how to play mahjong.^^ Sc played not bad too. Hahas Really enjoy myself and while playing mahjong we drank a little and for a few minutes we started talking rubbish. Drunk!?!?! Lolz Then around 4.30am, Sc and I ordered MC. And we played Old maid while waiting for the food to arrive.
They left my house around 5.30am to 6am, before they go we decided to go for evening sakae sushi buffet.
So after they left i slept for awhile. We meet at 2.30pm but end up 3pm then we left boon lay mrt station.
We go all the way to Dhoby Ghaut for the buffet, after eating we walk to Orchard and shop "newurbanmale" for NUM party tank.
At first Yz was the one who want to get the shirt cause Sc promise to get him one as his birthday present but end up sc and i both brought one too.
I love the NUM Holland Party Tank. This: -->

I doesn’t have enough money for this shirt, it cost $89.90.
Super ex right! So I brought a cheaper one, cost $69.90 but cause of some reason, i paid $52 only.
Lucky me! ^^
I really like that shirt a lot so I intent to save and then get hold of that shirt soon. Hahas.
We also went to wisma, shop shop and then Lucky Plaza for Pool.
At 10.30pm, we then left Orchard.
Although we reach home quite late.
I still chitchat we Jh and Sc over the phone till we just hang up not long around 5am.
Cause we are meet early in the morning later at 10am and both of them wanna take a short nap. Hahas.. Crazy right..!

WE are gonna have fun later.
I’ll take lots of pictures later to blog and share! ^^

MORNING! Bye. Hahas

This was how i spent my 31st dec 2008 to 1st of jan 2009

2009-01-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

Christmas i celebrated with my cousin.
Haven't got hold of the pictures taken yet so can't post up photos to share.
It was really fun that day, we countdown together, gift exchange and played some interesting games.
Most of them after celebrating we chat chit and play games till late midnight, they slept at my house.
Full house lo, 4 slept in the living rm, then 4 in the bed room. Squeeze! Hahas..

Then on the 27 i when music clinic for A christmas party. Got to known some new friends.
They have gift exhange also.
I brought cookies for exchange and got back something cute also. ^^
That day the special performances by the students was nice and funny.
The most unforgetable was also Rollin Lao shi de.
They on a song sang by lao shi and make me quite embarrass. Hahas.
Then they force him to sing a song. He did and it's really nice.
He is my music theory teacher, but i didn't know he sing so well until that day.
Clap clap clap*** ^-^

The next day 28, i went over to my youngest cousin house to stay over.
Actually we intent to stay for a day but end up staying for 2 days
Total 4 person went over.
We had fun there. My cousin is really a very cute and funny girl, talented too.
I think she had fun with us during the 2days stay at her house.
Looking forward to another holiday and chinese new year.
So i can get to see her again and play with her trust fall, after playing with her once, she would demand for more. she seem to love it a lot. LOLZ..

2008-12-07T00:42:00.000+08:00

6th December, a tiring day!
On this very day, i also have a mixture of happy and sad feeling.
I received my mid-term result slip, not to bad and not very good either.
Overall i only fail the module I'm barred from.
I got 3-"B", 2-"C", 2-"D", 1-"F".
After seeing the 2 grade "D", for a few second i felt bad, i thought i could do rather well in this two modules but it turns out the other way round.
I actually yearn to get at least 4 to 5 grade B. Quite sad.
However, i think i do know what when wrong. So hopefully I'll be able to do better in semester 2 and end year 1 with a few more better grades. ^^
Fighting, Fighting, Fighting!!!

2008-11-20T03:08:00.005+08:00

12 Nov. Something happen and now I could hardly believe.

My sister just told me about that news and through the internet i found out she was dead on my bdae that night.
A talented singer, 黎礎寧, that i admire had committed suicide.
A path she chosen to end her painful life, believed it was in regards to relationship.
Even though it's never a path one would be encourage to take but still she chosen it, putting a full stop to her life.
Leaving with her family and friends are perhaps only past memorise to cling onto.
Audience are left with past videos, the only way to recap her beautiful and touching voice.

I thought she would have album/s, autograph session/s etc held and get real famous.
I thought i could get to see her performing right in front of me once in life but... it's all impossible now.
As I'm writing i still couldn't believe it.
Feeling sad. I think i would really miss her voice, very much!!!

Pray that may she be bless in the path to heaven.
God and Angels from above that could hold her in their hands and accompany her in another beautiful world up there in the heaven.

Goodbye 黎礎寧.

2008-11-17T15:28:00.004+08:00

Officially holiday!
Suppose to be happy about it but I'm feeling rather sad.
It's more boring now than schooling.
Two of my sibling both have their own holiday plans.
Only me without any event/plans.
Actually thought of getting a job and start working as soon as possible but still feeling very tired.
Last week ton too much, cause me this week a bit can't take it.
Often dose off while surfing net. Hahas
Lucky straight after assignment it's holiday if not it's really going to get very tedious.
After this holiday, i believes it's going to be a very stressful semester 2.
I do believe time flies, at a bling of an eyes it could already be there and then.
Sometimes it's so fast and scary that i could hardly believe that i had wasted/had already spent so much time.
So before i allow time to fly past me again i better get myself prepare for next year.
Though it's still consider early before next year actually come, i still think it's better for me to start thinking and plotting down the plans i have for next year. =D

2008-11-13T13:36:00.001+08:00

Officially 18 years old.
A simple celebration without any cake.
However, I'm still very glad. ^^
2 present was received this year though less but better than nothing.
My first time celebrating birthday without a cake. =/
It's partly because of the rain, in such a raining day who would want to travel here and there.
So both my parents did not drop by any cake shop. Hopefully my 21 years old birthday celebration is much more better than 18 one! LOLZ

I still remember how excited i'm in the beginning of the year that i'll soon turn 18.
But it happened to be a day i hated it myself too.
**MY Assignment fall on my birthday that day.
The day before, all i felt was stress and worry if this and that is going on smoothly, etc...
Until i don't even have any happy feeling or thoughts that it's my birthday that day.

However, in the mist of stress and worries for submission, im so so so glad that some of my sec schoolmates remember my birthday and drop me blessing through SMS. [Appreciated!]
Before i forgotten, i would like to thanks those who came to my house yesterday and celebrate my birthday with me. Thanks thanks!!! ^^

2008-11-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

Coming week will be school"Assignment week".
Super nervous and damn scary cause haven't finish doing 2D fundamental Assignment.
Super confuse, scare later do wrong can't score well.
However, i think overall i won't grade well too cause i'm barred from modal making & 3D workshop assignment.
Due to being barred so mean fail this whole module.
The paper i received said i have absent for 5 time but i just couldn't recall that i did absent so many times.
Sad!..
My only hope now is to do well in the other few subjects so that it shows i'm not a totally hopeless and lazy student. hahas
Damn scare that i would be kick out of school or have to repeat.
Shall stop talking rubbish, better go do my assignment now. ^^
Blog again tomorrow!
GoodNitez ^^

2008-11-05T16:08:00.000+08:00

Almost completing doing this blog. ^^
Now, i'm left with the links area. Hopefully by nxt friday i will be able to add all up.
I have got lots of "blogger could not be found" links. I delete all since add also no use right!^^

When i created this "New blog", it is actually not open of visitor.
However, it's ok. HaHas..
Posting shall start tomorrow. LOLZ ^^
Now tired want rest. =p